Celibacy: an attractive way of life

‘A hundredfold’ in this life, and then eternal happiness. This is the promise Jesus makes in the Gospel to those who leave everything to follow Him exclusively, giving Him their whole heart. Is celibacy an attractive way of life? A ‘hundredfold’, this is the answer of Jesus to so many who received the gift of apostolic celibacy when they asked him: What will become of us?

Table of Contents

• Is Celibacy An Attractive Way Of Life?
• Celibacy As Way Of Life Of True Emotional Value
• An Adventure, Not A Limitation
• Some Elements Of The Celibate Way Of Life
• Some Misconceptions About Celibacy
• Difficulties Faced In The Celibate Way Of Life
• Does A Big Heart Cause Big Problems?
• Rather than theories, we need the witness of living people
• The Witness Of Joy In Many Lives
• Genuine Answers That Inspire
• A Path Made Of Love
• God Wants To Need Us
• True Love Surpasses All Expectations
• And In The Face Of Uncertainty?
• Is Celibacy An Attractive Project For Gen Z?

Jesus’ answer to his disciples is very enlightening. The Lord speaks to those who have left their fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands and children. Jesus knows that emotional relationships are very important in a fully developed heart. His answer is understanding and hopeful: they will receive a hundredfold reward from precisely the affections of those whom they have left — father, mother, brothers, sisters, wife, husband or children. He also speaks to them of fields, the symbol of those places in the world in which they will make their own lives fruitful.

The Lord wants to tell us He will fill completely the space left by affective relationships of the heart that are given to Him, not in a spiritualistic or angelic way but with genuine affection. This is God’s promise: to fill to the brim the heart of the one who corresponds to His call. He also tells them that along this path lies a life of fruitfulness; celibacy is a way of life destined to fulfil these desires in every (celibate) heart. So, in this article, we will seek to answer the question of “why is celibacy attractive as a way of life?”

Is Celibacy An Attractive Way Of Life?

To answer this question, we should first ask ourselves: What must a way of life have to be attractive, desirable and motivating? And, in order not to present only a theoretical answer, we have conducted a small survey among some young people. Their answers could be summarized as follows:

An attractive way of life is one that allows me to:

• give and receive love
• leave a mark on this world, to do something fruitful with my life, to believe my existence has meaning. It affords me an area in which my contribution is, so to speak, ‘irreplaceable’.
• Develop my abilities and talents.
• feel challenged and that my life is an adventure.
• feel (become) happy

Of course, this list could be further expanded and nuanced but basically, we are faced with the question of whether this way of life will make us happy. We do not pretend to provide an exhaustive list or a precise definition.

See also: Amazing Psychology of celibacy

A certain vocation does not automatically make those who follow it happy: there are married people who are happy, and others who are not; there are celibates who are happy, and others who are not. We can say, therefore, that happiness in a vocation depends rather on the way each person lives it or, at least, on circumstances that are more personal or internal than external.

Here, however, we must ask ourselves whether celibacy is a path that responds to those desires for an attractive way of life. From what we have already discovered and reflecting on celibacy, we realize that God proposes precisely a way of life which channels those desires: to give and receive love, to be loved and to love; to be fruitful; to leave something valuable in others; to have a life with motivation, with meaning. Above all, celibacy is a challenge to which one commits and applies all one’s capacities and aptitudes.

God calls us to follow a certain path

That is what God intends when He calls to us to a follow a particular path; it is also what God wants when He calls someone to celibacy. Like a good father, He seeks a path for His child that responds to these requirements. Therefore, if celibacy is an attractive and challenging way of life, it is not only worth choosing but also worth living.

Of course, choosing celibacy is not choosing singleness as a way of life: celibacy is a supernatural undertaking proposed by God that call a person to live in an exclusive relationship with Him and to bring to this world the fruitfulness of that love. It is not a matter of resigning oneself to a lack of a spouse, or forsaking the possibility of living affectively with another.

Therefore, if celibacy is understood as a surpassing and ambitious proposal of God — He who wants us to respond to the great desires He Himself knows — then one discovers that celibacy is indeed an attractive, stimulating and inspiring path!

Celibacy As Way Of Life Of True Emotional Value

For several reasons, celibacy is a truly attractive path. First and foremost, it is a way of life that has true emotional value. In other words, it is a way of life that gives and receives love. God conceived celibacy, like every vocation, as a personal love story. It is a relationship of affective exclusivity with Jesus that unfolds throughout one’s life and is oriented towards Heaven.

Thus celibacy is more than simply a generous choice to do many good deeds and to carry out a programme of holy and beneficial things for many people. Nor is it a plan for heroes or people called to make great sacrifices for others. While those admirable attributes may form part of celibacy, it is primarily a path that fulfils the personal affective dimension when it is lived as a mutual self-giving out of love between Jesus and the one who lives celibacy.

We can better understand the concept of an affective way of life if we compare it with marriage. In marriage, two people join as one because they are in love and want to share their lives and to grow in love each day. What is fundamental in marriage is not professional achievements, career goals, the number of children a couple has, the house they live in, the trips they go on, or their levels of education. All these things certainly matter but ultimately they are secondary in importance. The main reason for a couple to marry is love and their intention to continue to love each other; it is this that makes it an affective endeavour. Everything that happens in a marriage, everything that is sought or experienced (expected or unexpected) is all like a musical score upon which the symphony of mutual love, is written.

An Adventure, Not A Limitation

Celibacy, like marriage, is a loving way of life. So it is inappropriate to consider it primarily as a sacrifice, a surrender or a limitation. These aspects will certainly be present in marriage but only as natural consequences of love. Seeing celibacy as a loving way of life also allows us to realize that choosing this vocation is not primarily about doing good deeds or serving others.

The main reason is that God loves us and chooses us to maintain an exclusive relationship of love. For the celibate of this world this happens in a special and personal manner. Celibacy should thus be understood from the perspective of receiving and embracing that love, and responding to the Lord with love, as well as giving oneself also to others.

One thereby gains an important freedom: specifying one’s expectations and understanding of what one seeks and hopes for. Celibates do not live as if they always have to take an exam to obtain certain objectives such as the conversion of many people, providing aid or services to others, or being successful in evangelization initiatives. With this freedom, it is possible to be much more open to whatever Providence proposes, without being encumbered with trying to achieve goals deemed desirable by others.

Some Elements Of The Celibate Way Of Life

Based on that love, celibacy can also be offered to others as genuine love and sincere affection. This self-giving is born of the satisfied heart of a person who, on his vocational journey, encounters the love of God who loved him first (cf. 1 Jn 4.19) and responds by turning to others out of love.

To summarize, we can say that celibacy is a loving way of life characterized by:

• A total dedication to God made out of love. This goes beyond passing emotions and becomes a constant and lasting commitment. It rests on a love for God as its foundation and the seeking of an intimate union with Jesus.
• Love of neighbour as a motivation to serve selflessly, to show affection, compassion and solidarity by following the example of Jesus Christ. A particular fulfilment is in fraternity, which allows the vocation to be lived in an atmosphere of mutual support, sharing experiences and challenges and growing together in the love of God.
• Love for those whom one leads by transmitting the message of the Kingdom of Heaven. This dimension invites celibates to give themselves with all their hearts to others. Living this mission sincerely removes the emptiness that would result from it being reduced to merely a task.

Some Misconceptions About Celibacy

There are some prejudices or distorted ideas about celibacy, somewhat like those urban myths that are passed on or talked about as if they were real. It is helpful to understand what is behind these misconceptions and distorted images and thus debunk them. Here are some the more common ones:

“It is a lonely life, because I will not experience a human love”.

The main reason for celibacy is a personal and exclusive love relationship with Jesus. Certainly it presupposes a different way of realizing this than marriage, in which the exclusivity for a specific person is immediate and tangible. But the gift of celibacy consists precisely in fulfilling in the heart that needs to love and be loved, and not through an intermediary but directly by Jesus. Love attained through celibacy fulfils a person’s emotional needs in a different way from physical marital love. However, this does not lead to a loneliness of the heart from an absence of love. To the contrary, the lives of celibates who offer their lives for the Kingdom of Heaven are full of people, stories and hearts that accompany them on their journeys and to whose missions come a special motherhood or fatherhood. They are never alone on the journey of life.

“It is a difficult path. How do I know I am not making a mistake?”

Every endeavour in life has uncertainties and risks. They could be seen as spice in the great banquet of a fruitful life. Vocational decisions cannot be made with mathematical precision or physical certainty. A couple engaged to be married are secure in their love for each other; however, this is not what guarantees them success but rather it is love that leads them to trust. The same is true of the personal encounter with Jesus. Proper discernment through prayer and heeding the advice of others is required but, one must always remember, God does the rest. He never plays with souls.

Difficulties Faced In The Celibate Way Of Life

“It is very costly to give up all one’s freedom, to commit oneself for life.”

Commitment is not exclusive to celibacy. A total lifetime commitment is also necessary for marriage. That is why it is best to understand this difficulty in human terms and not just as an exclusive dedication to God.

We live in an era in which commitment seems particularly difficult for many people; perhaps this is because we misunderstand freedom. We think we are free if we retain the ability to decide. In reality, we are freer, the more we achieve of what we want in our lives. The freer you are, the more you make your choice of how to live your life a reality. And for that we need to invest in freedom. Without freedom nothing is achieved, just as without a seed there is no new plant and no harvest.

“And when I get old, I will find myself without children!”

The spiritual fruitfulness of celibacy for the Kingdom of Heaven is great. It is not a fruitfulness like that of marriage — you will not have biological children, heirs of your blood and genes. But it is a spiritual fruitfulness, which is no less real, since it consists in giving one’s life in order to give life in the spirit. In this sense, one can think he will have many children of the spirit: children who will approach God as their common Father, through their prayer, friendship, witness or evangelization. Because of this spiritual character, the extent of the success and influence of celibate life will only be measured in Heaven. This is why celibacy is a path open to great fruitfulness.

“It is safer to have “a specific person” to give myself, to love, from whom I will receive love”.

This security is only relative. People think it is more secure as it is tangible; however, we cannot deny that the most secure love is that of Jesus. It is understandable how people want to perceive affection or companionship through perceptible human gestures. Nevertheless, as we have already said, a heart filled with the love of Jesus is full and can live without these expressions, feeling at the same time truly loved and accompanied. This is the gift of celibacy.

Does A Big Heart Cause Big Problems?

“I am very emotional. My feelings influence me a lot. I don’t think celibacy is for me.”

It is a great mistake to think that celibacy is for people who are cold or unemotional. One of the myths about celibacy is that it is a path only for those people who are exceptionally balanced, perhaps even cold and calculating in their emotions and affections. It would seem that those who are lively or restless constitute a danger or an impediment to the celibate life. Celibacy is made for great hearts, for people open to love and (are) sensitive to the great adventures of life.

One of the many examples is Saint Augustine, who recognized how restless he would be until his heart rested in the love of God. He would have liked to have poured his heart into God alone much before his eventual discovery of divine love. He said, “Late I loved You, beauty so old and so new, late I loved You! You were within me, and I outside, and outside I sought You, and, deformed as I was, I threw myself on the beautiful things created by You. You were with me but I was not with You.”

Rather than theories, we need the witness of living people

Is celibacy an attractive way of life? That is to say, can this vocation fulfil the desires we all have in our hearts for our lives?

The most motivating and convincing answers to this question are not to be found in manuals or theories but in actual lives of real flesh-and-blood people. And the answer is a joyful and confident Yes!

Many of these celibates are famous. Foremost, and as a unique model, is Jesus Himself. Then there are the Apostles and the many saints who have been great adventurers, passionate about their way of life: Augustine, Catherine of Siena, Francis of Assisi, John Paul II, Teresa of Calcutta, Josemaría Escrivá and a long list of others. There are also many delightful stories of lay people who chose celibacy for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Witness Of Joy In Many Lives

The witness of joyful people who freely led celibate lives provides an irresistible motive for others to persist in this vocation. ‘Come and see’ (cf. Jn 1. 46) Philip said to Nathanael, who doubted that Jesus was really the Messiah. For the younger generations — those seeking to discern their vocation or those who have just recently set out on this journey — the witness of the more seasoned wayfarers with their experience of grateful fidelity is an especially powerful indication that celibacy is indeed a worthwhile endeavour.

At times, celibacy can be a trial — one in which God provides His continuous support — a challenge for which that burning enthusiasm is not always found in those who should inspire others and invite them to follow in the same path. Young people also desire to change the world and to open up new vistas in ways that are sometimes somewhat idiosyncratic or adventurous; however, it is the exuberance of the youth of God that also helps to re-ignite the enthusiasm of vocational witness in others, even when, for a variety of reasons, they are not in the majority or even very numerous. It is worth noting, as the Psalm invites: ‘You, Lord, are my hope and my security from my youth.’ (Ps 71,5).

You, the readers of this article, probably know several well-known positive people who are good models of celibate life as they silently proclaim through their example: “This way of life has completely satisfied the longings of my heart! If God proposes it for you: it is worth choosing!”

Genuine Answers That Inspire

The richness of vocation is something so very personal and so difficult to talk about in the abstract that we would like to share with you answers found in the witness of actual people whose spontaneous delight cannot but inspire others.

We asked TLL why she thought a young person might see celibacy as an attractive way of life

She answered by saying it was because she wants what Jesus wants, and because she knows He wants the best for her. And so by giving her life to Jesus she can return a little bit of His love.

She went on to say: “Because marriage is not the only way to be happy. As long as our life is a gift to God and others we can be happy. Whether we are single, married, widowed, separated, persecuted, kidnapped, sick, with or without children, old, young or in whatever circumstances God places us, I think the key is to be generous in spirit. Because God is great, He gives us much, He trusts us more than we trust ourselves, and He still has a world on which the grace of His passion, death and resurrection is very active. Among all the soldiers He has on earth, He surely needs some to be less encumbered so that He can deploy them wherever and whenever He wills. May we be as Jesus was for others.”

We asked AC how she saw herself being celibate and how she would explain it to others.

She said: ‘I am passionate about stories, all kinds of stories, but especially real stories. That’s why one of my greatest passions is to listen to people telling me their own stories, the stories of their lives, their yearnings, fears and disappointments; stories of their dreams, joys and fears, of their wounds, struggles and loves. And the ones I enjoy the most, without a doubt, are the latter: the love stories.’

She went on to say: ‘So, as you can imagine, after listening to so many stories, I grew up with the dream of being able one day to tell my own story. But I never thought the protagonist of my love story would be God!’

A Path Made Of Love

We asked FF why a young person might think celibacy is a good way of life

FF answered: “Celibacy is a good thing, because it comes from God. If the Lord gives us this vocation, it is because it is the means He gives us to be happy. To be clear, He does not allow Himself to be outdone in generosity but always gives us a little more security at the moment of decision.”

FF went on to say: “Naturally we all tend towards love. That is why it is important to see celibacy as a way of Love. Celibate persons are those who know how to find God’s love in all aspects of their lives and fill their hearts with it. In this way, the affections which we naturally desire are provided in ample measure. There is no greater love than that. Celibacy without Love is meaningless.”

God Wants To Need Us

We asked MD why a young person might think celibacy is a good way of life

He answered: “I think what moves me most is the mission of being mediators between God and souls, and the opportunity of assisting the Lord in this endeavour. It is good to see it as a call to a very special and profound affective relationship between us, a loving cooperation which leads to living everything for His sake, and a means to channel that relationship into showing other souls the love of God.

God needs some souls who exclusively and directly experience His paternity to proclaim this affection, people who focus their lives on providing very discreetly service and support to others. Celibacy is a special opportunity to serve many souls and to bring the Love of God closer to all by doing but above all by just being.”

True Love Surpasses All Expectations

We asked CS how celibacy could fulfil the desire to be fruitful.

CS answered: “Love is so great that it is capable of giving life. In the spiritual sense, that life has no limits. There are no limits to motherhood in celibacy, because out of love for God we can give eternal life to others. We can enlarge people’s hearts and souls so they can accommodate many more people. Celibacy allows us to welcome, to care for, to encourage growth and innovation in others. These desires are strongly expressed in the hearts of women and I have seen them strongly experienced by celibate people. It is moving to see that the heart, when its only “owner” is God, knows how to give itself to everyone yet remain exclusive to God alone. It is precisely for this reason that the celibate heart excludes nobody.

The fruitfulness of the celibate heart and soul transcends all human or physical expectations precisely because they have no limits.”

And In The Face Of Uncertainty?

We asked CS how we could accept the vocation to celibacy in the face of uncertainty.

He answered: “Everything good begins with a huge leap into the void, by launching oneself into the great unknown (even if one suffers from vertigo). Any worthwhile way of life must cause us to exist outside our comfort zones.”

He continued: “It is normal to seek security in conquering our fears, but sooner or later, we have to learn how to live with them while engaging with God. Looking for emotional certainty and stability in our lives is logical but not quite right. This is because the only true guarantee of certainty and stability in our lives is God. Whether I am married or celibate, only God is capable of fulfilling my basic longing.”

Is Celibacy An Attractive Project For Gen Z?

Finally, we asked the ChatGPT why apostolic celibacy would be attractive today to Gen Z youth.

And it surprised us with a very precise answer: ‘Apostolic celibacy is a source of joy and spiritual fruitfulness that springs from union with God and the Church. A youth of generation Z who feels the emptiness and anguish of a life without God will find in apostolic celibacy a way to personal fulfilment and authentic happiness. This way is born of communion with God and with their companions and is manifested in a generous and selfless service to others.’

Fernando Cassol

About the author

Fernando Cassol is a priest of the Prelature of Opus Dei. He exercises his ministry in Buenos Aires. After graduating with an undergraduate degree in economics, he specialized in philosophy at the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross (Rome). In his ministry Fr Cassol has focused on the formation and spiritual accompaniment of young people. In particular, he has worked with those beginning their vocational journey in celibacy.

See also: Celibacy, sexuality and mental health

Articles in the series “A Hundredfold” on celibacy (many only in Spanish)

1. Celibacy In Today’s Cultural Context

2. Vocation To Love. Vocation To Celibacy

3. Living Celibacy In Love: A True Utopia

4. Celibacy: A Heart In Love With Gods

5. Celibacy: Coordinates For The Heart

6. Celibacy: Pilots Of One’s Own Journey

7. Meaning Of One’s Sexuality In Celibacy

8. Heart Of Jesus, Meaning And Life Of Celibacy

9. The Word Of God Concerning Celibacy

10. Crisis: Opportunity For A New Birth (In English)

11. Celibacy: an attractive way of life

12. Intimacy And Affections Of The Celibate Person

12. Intimidad y afectos de la persona célibe