Gender is the social expression of biological sex. Its basis is undoubtedly genetic and inseparable from it. It is determined by the presence of the XX chromosomes in the case of females, and XY in the case of males, which will always remain as such, even many centuries after death.

One is born male or female or, in some rare cases, with an organic or genetic anomaly in which doctors will have to intervene as soon as possible to help assign the sex. Like everything human, gender is influenced by education and social environment. There are those who claim to have chosen a certain expression of their sexuality: they can undoubtedly do so, with greater or lesser freedom and awareness of doing so.

A document of the Congregation for Catholic Education, Man and Woman Created Them, serves as a frame of reference for those who really want to dialogue on issues of sexuality. One must start from a scientific basis and without prejudices about who the human being is and his or her sexual dimension. The serene reading of the world around us, with scientific data and facts, is always a light that allows faith and reason to advance together.

Sexual desire is simply a desire. It depends partly on our will and partly not; it is modifiable: 80% of boys who in childhood experience sexual attraction for persons of the same sex will no longer have it when they pass adolescence. At that stage of youth, when sexuality is maturing, it is not uncommon for impulses to be stimulated by various objects.

The exercise of the virtues of temperance and chastity give strength to voluntarily control the instinct. One is not born with a fixed desire. Sexuality, like other human dimensions, needs education.

The causes of a homosexual desire are multiple: some genetic predisposition and hormonal factors can play a role; the most important are environmental, family, educational and social circumstances: parental figures, father absent in some way (perhaps too absorbed by work), possessive mother, ideological propaganda, sexual abuse especially in childhood, exposure to pornography.

The choice of a certain sexually promiscuous lifestyle can encourage a tendency to deepen.

It is key for mothers and fathers to know about this issue, to anticipate it and to give appropriate advice. We recommend the first chapter of La Aventura del amor, which can be downloaded; the chapter on sexuality in the book Madurez psicológica y espiritual; and a scientific review article: Mayer Report on sexuality and gender.

When faced with the child’s comment about his desires, the first thing to do is to show him a lot of affection and willingness to talk: to make him feel understood and loved, without the impression of being a “case”. You can remind him that, at that age, it is common to feel “desires” of any kind in the field of sexuality as in many other fields, from food or sport to science or politics…

With adolescence, new interests and strong impulses awaken. It is the moment in which, with the example of close adults and the company of a group of friends, the young person can decide where to go. Much depends on this stage, in which he freely decides on his life projects.

Perhaps this first moment of dialogue will allow a deeper conversation on the subject of sexuality, to clarify doubts and to make him want to live it in a human way, having love, donation and procreation as a point of view.

An essential idea that will give you peace of mind, on which the scientific literature abounds, is that you are not facing an immovable situation: people, men or women, are not born with a fixed orientation forever.

– Let him read some articles within his reach, such as the summary of the Mayer Report cited above, so that he can refute the ideological propaganda: people are not born with a fixed or inherited sexual desire for people of the same sex; the vast majority of children who experience at some point what he feels, are oriented after adolescence towards the object of sexual function, with the intention of reproducing.

– It may happen that the mother is excessively overprotective, which does not help; and that the father, for work or other reasons, has little time to talk to the son. It is important for the father to be particularly close, with walks, conversations, sports, etc. The son may have untold and unresolved emotional wounds (abuse, injustices, slights, traumatic experiences, exposure to pornography, feelings of guilt, etc.), which may be addressed in a climate of affection and trust.

– Emphasize the goodness and beauty of the sexual dimension with the importance of waiting until marriage for their proper acts. And the risk of being “exhausted” when it is anticipated in any way, for example, with pornography: like a sowing ground that by excess of exploitation remains sterile. This is easy to understand, for the first manifestation is sadness, even if fleeting pleasure is experienced. In the Christian life this virtue is called chastity, which is strength and light to integrate the passions that every woman or man experiences.

– Remember that the sexual function is made by nature for a specific purpose: procreation, without excluding goodness in other affective fields.

– Parents and other adults (schools and youth clubs) have an important role to play in encouraging other interests, without adolescents focusing only on the sexual dimension. For example, the taste for entertaining readings, sports, excursions to nature, deep and healthy friendships (without anticipating the times) with boys and girls, hobbies, etc.

– If the child is a believer, it will help him to meditate on God’s plan for all his children: to help him to think of God as a wonderful father -much superior to any father on earth-, who loves him infinitely, at every moment, and understands him as he is, even if he has moments of insecurity, which disappear. It will help him to go to the sacraments: the Eucharist and confession, which help him to feel the love of a God who is close to him.

– About possible visits to psychologists or doctors, which sometimes arise: if there is an inner suffering that does not disappear, it is good to seek professional help. As it is a matter that affects the whole person, it is more important that the professional is competent in his science and has, therefore, a correct idea of what the human being is, with its three dimensions, physical, psychic and spiritual, which differentiates him from animals.

* The fourth video in the series on psychiatry and God, personality and spiritual life: Same-sex attraction.

* Article: The reality of homosexual desire.

* Summary of the Mayer Report on sexuality and gender.

* For its importance as a cause of identity problems, see article and infographic: Quitting pornography in four steps.

Sexuality “affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church n. 2332). The celibate person renounces the acts proper to sexuality, without ceasing to be fully man or woman. One discovers a way of loving fully, capable of filling one’s life with meaning.

The human sexual dimension needs education. The most appropriate place to initiate children and young people, according to their age, in this type of knowledge is the family. The father and the mother – who need to learn how to do it – are the most appropriate to explain the particularities of boys and girls to their children and, according to their age, to give them more or less details. As they grow up, they should be reminded that sexuality is good, but that specific acts are not a game or another means to have fun and get pleasure; and that waiting until marriage for intimate relations between spouses is a factor of health and well-being. Schools, always in agreement with parents, can be great collaborators in this task.