Crisis: opportunity for a new birth

Rebirth from a vocational crisis

New birth from the vocational crisis is the theme of this tenth article in the One Hundred for One series on celibacy. Starting a vocational path is an adventure. There is much to discover and the awareness that difficult times may arise. One of the most frequent fears when undertaking a lifelong project are the crises that may arise. The fear of the risk of things that could lead us to throw overboard what has been built up to that moment or the illusion that inspired us to undertake it can arise; the fear that the illusion will be devalued in disenchantment and the chosen path will become a heavy experience, perhaps difficult to bear, can be born.

When these fears arise, it is good not to forget that, as in any human project, there may be difficult and unexpected moments, but not for that reason to make it totally negative: crises can be opportunities to renew the initial decision, but not to look away from the chosen goal, instead, to renew the hope of reaching it.

Contents index: rebirth of vocational crisis

• Crises: windows through which life makes its way
• The avoidable vocational crisis
• Meeting Love: the crisis of early maturity
• Value affective relationships
• Key 1: “I let myself be seduced”
• Decide from the heart to be reborn in the vocation
• Renew faith in the face of the vocational crisis
• The moment of delivery: the mid-life crisis
• The dreams that are left unrealized
• Key 2: “Recognize”
• The vocation within the vocation
• The balance of life: the opportunity to recognize fertility
• Key 3: “Re-evaluate”
• Dynamics of the crisis and the opportunity for faith
• The oxygen of faith to be reborn in the vocational crisis
• Acknowledging the Lord like the disciples of Emmaus

These conflicts so often provide the opportunity to get rich. Crises, once overcome, are the occasion to conquer a fuller freedom and allow life to be channelled, with a purified decision, with the dynamics of someone who knows they are in the hands of their Father – God.

Crisis: windows through which life opens its way

Crises appear without choosing them. They take us by surprise, generate uncertainty, suffering and a deep need to know what is happening to us. It is easy for the intuition of not following the path as God asks us to arise, although a crisis is not always a sign of a lack of correspondence: many times, it is an indication of being before a new step of maturity, to conquer it and climb.

Crisis is a word that is derived from the Greek verb “krinein“, which means to judge in order to make a decision; its noun “krisis” means judgment, decision. A crisis is an invitation to a new role for freedom, a new opportunity to be the authors of our biography. Crises are painful because they move us from our comfort zone, they lead us to make decisions that we might not want to find ourselves with, but they are necessary since they can open us to a deeper conviction, to a new choice that makes our own walk stronger.

We could say that, in some way, the decisive steps in the existence of every person are taken in crisis: birth is a crisis, the experience of discovering the world and distinguishing it from the self is critical, the choice of a path for one’s life is a great decision, and finally passing to life without end is a strong crisis for each one. Along with them are the other challenges of greater choices that occur in life.

The avoidable vocational crisis

It is true that there are also some crises that could be avoided: they are those situations that would not have been reached if the appropriate decisions had been taken. Even in those cases, in which we act negligently and perhaps feel “guilty”, there is a hidden profit that is within our reach to conquer. Even when we have previously chosen badly, there is room for a new choice that is not healthy to avoid or delegate to others.

They are opportunities to risk again and launch ourselves to exercise our free will, which is the only way to become what we are not but what we want to be. It is a change similar to that of the chrysalis, which undergoes the trauma of breaking its cocoon with effort in order to fly. They are crucial moments in life that, faced with a supernatural sense, are very rich to enrich one’s own biography, to trust more in God and to acquire a purified capacity to value what is worthwhile.

At the beginning of the vocational path – in the search for God – three experiences are combined: finding Love, surrendering to Love and becoming aware that everything great in our lives comes from Love. Later in life, each of these aspects have their own maturation time that makes the choice renewed, deeper and more solid. There are three stages that usually coincide with changes in the “stages” of life.

Meeting Love: the crisis of early maturity

The first crisis of maturation that can appear on the vocational path usually takes place between the ages of 30 and 40. It is the crisis of the “encounter with true Love”. You feel the need to make a new decision to lead your own life, even though a reasonable amount of time has passed since you started on the path.

It is usually perceived that the original impulse is no longer enough, that there are projects hitherto ignored, which are now being discovered and seemed to have no place in the dreams that accompanied the beginning of the vocation. In a way, now the future is no longer so far away, but is recognized as something inevitably immediate. The time of one’s life is valuable and something important must be done with it.

The awareness of owning and being responsible for one’s life is felt more strongly; our biography becomes something much more serious and making it real can no longer be relegated to an imaginary future. She’s walked a bit since her naive 20s, but not enough to experience how to move on. There is uncertainty and restlessness, which is surprising because it seemed that it had been cleared up by saying the first yes. Insecurity about the future (work, profession, valuable affective relationships, etc.) tends to increase at this time, and fundamental questions arise again: who I really am and who I want to be.

Value affective relationships for a new birth in crisis

The assessment of affective relationships is now done with a new approach. Human love – the natural attraction of the complementarity of the sexes – is insinuated as a possible project, closer and more desirable, which claims not to delay a decision in its favour. It seems that before it had not been possible to feel what arouses at that moment and that, far from being something abrupt and bodily, it has the flavour of noble and affective love.

This may look like the scales are falling off the eyes; the impression of some naive deception that has been incurred through inexperience and from which a perhaps hasty decision has been made. It can be thought that we have allowed ourselves to be seduced by ideas and dreams that are too big, without considering the importance of another different love and that is now experienced as necessary.

Key 1: “I let myself be seduced”

In this crisis there is a strong need to recognize true Love – again and in a new way. we are able to judge with certainty another possible way of life, in which love is no longer perceived in dreams or projects but in people.

In the case of celibacy, it is the moment to rediscover, with new lights, the love of Jesus for each one, the fecundity of our affection for so many people and the love we receive from them. It is the moment that celibacy takes more force as an affective project, and not only as an ideal of conquests and good deeds. For that, a new discovery of the personal love of Jesus and Jesus is necessary.

Decide from the heart to be reborn in the vocation

We could say that the key expression with which the door of this crisis is passed is “I let myself be seduced”. That profound expression that appears in Jeremiah (20:7), is the great decision necessary at this moment in life. And it is a decision of faith and, at the same time, of trust from the heart. It is time to allow ourselves to be enveloped again by a certain seduction on the part of the Lord’s Love that requires the freedom to let Him seduce us, attract us.

A confidence that translates into believing that his Love is everything we seek. This step is not exclusive to the crisis in celibacy: something similar happens in the marriage project and usually coincides with the final yes, the marriage. You usually arrive there devoid of the naive and sensitive impulse of falling in love, with the realism of knowing yourself a little better and knowing that the other is your companion on the road not only by attraction, but by having chosen it.

Renew faith in the face of the vocational crisis

Faith has, in this crisis, the great mission of being like the window through which light enters that allows us to discern that new Jesus, with whom it is necessary to meet and to renew our personal relationship. In addition to a more intimate style of prayer, trusting dialogue with a companion can also contribute to this and allowing the lives of other people to be enlightened again, which will illuminate and reinforce trust: seeing what God has done in them, we will be more confident in what that cannot yet be fully discovered in one’s own brief experience.

This crisis could be illustrated in the experience suffered by the rich young man in his encounter with Jesus (Mk 10:17-30). It is necessary to recognize an inspiring Jesus from one’s own heart, even though he asks for everything not just as a leader of illusions. The new “decision” to which this crisis leads, therefore, is to recognize and re-choose true Love in our lives. It is a step that requires somehow dispensing with impulses, the environment, sentimental outbursts and opening up, instead, opening ourselves to that supernatural reality from which everything is illuminated.

The moment of delivery: the mid-life crisis

The mid-life crisis or “crisis of 40” is a decisive moment by which we can reach God, in a freer and deeper way, all that we are. It occurs at a time in life when a few decades have passed since the initial yes. However, the passage of time provides the opportunity to respond with a freer and deeper “yes”, precisely because throughout this period there has been an opportunity to discover Love, downplaying expectations on secondary issues that could overshadow it.

At this stage, a new questioning about one’s life usually appears, which has passed normally until then. It also opens a review for the meaning of one’s existence, the purposes pursued, the achievements made and those we long for.

The dreams that are left unrealized

It is common to feel that not everything that was expected has been achieved and that many dreams will no longer be possible. The feeling of being dissatisfied or frustrated may arise and, therefore, a new urgency may arise that asks to solve the dilemma, as if it were the “last chance” to turn one’s life into something valuable.

In those moments it is necessary to decide if the value of one’s life is based on the Love received and to which one wishes to correspond to or, on the contrary, prefer a radical change to design that what remains of life will be built without looking so much towards what was discovered in God and to the project that we continue to listen to his proposal. This dilemma, therefore, after having discovered Love in what has already been done up to this moment, is an unbeatable opportunity to “re-surrender” to Him, although it requires a deeper and more purified motivation.

Key 2: “Recognize”

We can see the dynamics of this crisis represented in the encounter of Jesus with the disciples of Emmaus (Lk 24, 13-35)[1]. As a result of this encounter – which occurs after the disappointment of the Lord’s passion and death –, the disciples recognized Jesus in a new way, not as they expected to see him triumph and live. “Then the eyes of the disciples were opened, and they recognized him, but he had disappeared from their sight.”

This crisis is that of deciding to “recognize” the God we were looking for, but in a more genuine way, detached from messianism and clinging to the way of success that we expected to follow him. Perspectives are opened to them that allow them to believe, letting God love and act as He wants. For this reason, they return to the mission with a new enthusiasm rooted in faith, more realistic, free from human measurements and aware that limitations are part of the love story.

The vocation within the vocation

Some call this crisis the vocation within the vocation. It is a maturation that spouses also face at a similar age, surely already with grown children who absorb a lot of energy, some wounds in the path of the relationship and a bit of fatigue. Here appears the opportunity to discover yourself in a fruitful project and choose yourself again. The temptation is to opt for another more attractive and dazzling alternative, a radical change of project.

Here the decision that the crisis puts us before is the foundation of what I believe to be valuable: if the value of one’s life is based on the Love received and that one wishes to reciprocate or, on the contrary, on another option where life will be built more to your own measure. After discovering Love, this is the moment to surrender to Him.

This crisis is valuable because it leads to the greatest freedom. It allows us to appreciate the reason that sustains one’s life: having received a great Love that is superior to the good and noble dreams that one aspired to achieve. It is a crisis of renewal: the novelty arises after a new “dying to self” and excessive confidence in its proposal. If we were to evade this transformation, the path would perhaps be travelled with inertia and even with some cynicism: one could choose to continue but giving up on the great goals that were discovered at the beginning.

The balance of life: the opportunity to recognize fertility

This is a moment of maturity, not as the fullness of strength, but as the opportunity to recognize that the true richness of our life is in what we have received, in what has been given to us out of Love and not in the countable fruits obtained.

It usually takes place after 60. It is balance time. The awareness appears that in life “everything important that could be done has already been done” and that there is neither time nor opportunity left to change what has been done. Physical and emotional limitations are more clearly perceived. One lives with the richness of experience, although perhaps yearning for the agility and dynamism of young maturity.

The loss of leadership

A certain sensation of “parking” may appear, where the vital rhythm is attenuated, it is perceived a little that the step is no longer as energetic as before. It could happen that the valuable things that have been lived and accomplished are no longer enjoyed precisely because of a kind of deafness that is produced by no longer seeing oneself with prominence, nor with strength, nor with the margin for great projects.

It is possible that the contrast and misunderstanding with the ideals and attitudes of the youngest breaks out. Perhaps dialogue with this new culture becomes somewhat more difficult and perhaps the threat of seeing the new generation with disappointment is felt: it is difficult to understand it and want to dialogue, and not miss the opportunity to enrich the new generations, and to know that they are bearers of the treasure of a life already lived.

This stage demands an important decision, from the maturation of which will arise the power to end life with gratitude and optimism. But, what is even more important, because we are facing the last “lesson” to be learned: the one that will allow us to enjoy the symphony of true Love in the Heart of God in eternity because we will have learned to value, above all, Love freely given. It is time, therefore, to give thanks, but at the same time to relativize the excessive weight that we usually give to our own achievements.

Key 3: “Re-evaluate” for a new birth in crisis

It may seem like a dark stage. But it is not just a period of decline. It is the great opportunity to “recognize” what the Love of God has sown and borne fruit in history itself, even in spite of ourselves. It is time for a new check that, through faith, gives us the possibility of dispensing with an overly human or utilitarian look, an account very focused on what “I have done.”

An analogy for this crisis is found in the story in which the Risen Jesus, before his Ascension, asks Peter to reaffirm his love for him (Jn 21:15-19) despite having experienced weakness and failure: precisely for let your Love be the only thing that sustains you and makes you fruitful.

As happened to Peter, it is a time to allow mercy to heal wounds – unhealed experiences and stories –, lead to a revaluation of what is fundamental, and give the opportunity to infect and transmit it. How powerful is the enthusiasm communicated by a mature person who is grateful for his life faithful to his vocation! And how sad it is sometimes to see people who have given themselves a lot, but have not known how to recycle, take themselves a little less seriously and look, above all, at the goodness of God poured out in their own history. A happy and grateful old age depends on this recycling, which is not only an intelligent attitude to wait for the end, but the last lesson to tune in to the symphony that will fill Heaven: that of Love given away.

Dynamics of the crisis and the opportunity for faith

In vital crises, fundamental questions are raised again: “what is the purpose of my life?”, “who am I really?”, “what really matters?”. In those moments, lived on the path of a supernatural vocation – such as celibacy – they demand a deeper openness to what God is, shows and proposes. This challenge cannot be evaded or replaced with emotional resources or compensations that, although they can help, do not go to the bottom and end up being ineffective sedatives. These world crises are crises of saints, said Saint Josemaría.[2] The same can be applied to the existential crises of each individual: they are crises that require more faith, who demand to become more men and women of God, less dependent on the self

As we said before, the scene of Jesu s’ meeting with the Emmaus disciples has a very rich message for existential crises. It helps to see the fundamental role of faith, to renew a vision and an experience that will allow us to follow the path, with a new meaning. The disciples first receive from Jesus a new reading of failure and difficulties, of apparent defeat. Dialogue teaches them to look at reality from faith.

The oxygen of faith for a new birth in crisis

It is essential to have the “oxygen” that provides a robust faith and a cultivated hope. The oxygen that can only be given by greater faith and better hope are essential. “We need to have hopes – bigger or smaller – that day by day keep us on our way,” explains Pope Benedict XVI. But without the great hope, which has to overcome everything else, these are not enough. This great hope can only be God, who embraces the universe and who can propose and give us what we alone cannot achieve. In fact, being graced by a gift is part of hope.

God is the foundation of hope; but not just any god, but the God who has a human face and who has loved us to the end, each one in particular and humanity as a whole. His realm is not an imaginary afterlife, set in a future that never comes. His kingdom is present there where he is loved and where his love reaches us. Only his love gives us the possibility to persevere day by day in all sobriety, without losing the momentum of hope. And this, in a world that by its nature is imperfect. At the same time, his love is for us the guarantee that there is what we only vaguely intuit. And that, nevertheless, we hope for in the most intimate part of our being: life that is “really” life”[3].

Acknowledging the Lord like the disciples of Emmaus

It gives the disciples of Emmaus strength to recognize Jesus present in the Eucharist, that is, the God-with-us who truly shares our history, walks with us. Although he has disappeared from his sight, He is. He disappeared the way they expected him to be present. But he enlarged their vision because he led them to look at everything with a new faith. This change, this growth in faith will allow them to return with their own testimony – supported by a new faith – and announce the “disconcerting” power of the Risen Jesus.

St. Josemaría summed up this path well when he asked himself “what is the secret of perseverance? Love. Fall in love, and you will not “leave” him”[4]. And that D. Álvaro del Portillo commented, proposing in turn: “don’t leave him, and you will fall in love”[5].

Notes of the article: new birth in crisis

[1] On the mid-life crisis, we recommend the book by Damián Fernández, Giro en U, Ed. Logos, Buenos Aires (o titulado La segunda conversión, en la edición de Rialp).

[2] Cfr. Camino, n. 301.

[3] Benedict XVI, Encyclical Spe Salvi, 31.

[4] Camino, n. 999.

[5] Carta, 19-III-1992, n 50.